Boundaries

Sometimes I'm a really slow learner... It has taken way to long for me to figure out how to get Avery to willingly go into her gymnastics class.

Last semester I did everything I knew to do to get her to go in. I tried EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK. Emerson would run into class like it was the funnest thing in the world. She loved it. Every week I kept thinking Avery would see how much fun her sister was having and want to join in. Nope. This class is the 3 yr old class where they go in and the parents wait outside. Every week Emerson would run in and Avery would say she did not want to go and she would wait outside with me. For a while there I thought it was that she just wanted some alone time. Nope.

This semester started a few weeks ago and the first class neither of them wanted to go in. I thought I was gonna go bananas. Then the following week Emerson was back to going in happily and Avery was back to refusing to go. Last week I even resorted to just putting her into the class and walking away. About half way into the class I looked in and she was still lying in the same place still upset. BAD MOMMY!!! I felt horrible. The only reason I even tried this is that she had went into the YMCA play area so willingly and had not cried.

Last Thursday she was watching a Sesame Street and there were gymnast doing flips and cool stuff. Avery yelled, "I wanna do that!" I said, "well honey, to do that you have to actually go into gymnastics class." Then they had a birthday party Saturday that was at the Y and they did gymnastics. When we all went into the gymnastics area she was happily with the class then she ran over and sat by me. I reminded her of the gymnasts on TV and she ran back to the circle to participate. After the party I took them to Target to buy leotards for class. As I was talking to them about the leotards and gymnastics I asked Avery if she would go into class this coming week and she said, "Yes." Cut to today....

I tell them what we are doing today, "going to gymnastics." and immediately Avery tells me she doesn't want to go. I get out the leotards and get them dressed and she is still telling me she doesn't want to go. We get there and she tells me she wants to stay outside with me. Suddenly it dawns on me, "Avery, if I tell the teachers not to touch you without your permission will you go into class?" "YES!" She ran in like a flash never looking back. I grabbed a teacher and reminded her that Avery does not like to be touched, so please ask her before touching her.

The teachers were AWESOME! One of them said she kept telling Avery, "Don't touch me!!! Don't you touch me" and Avery would laugh.

I know she just needs to feel like she trusts you before you can touch her. I don't think it's that much to ask. How would you like it if someone picked you up and moved you without saying a word?

I started really noticing this when we were going to the toddler transitional gymnastics classes. It is a little more structured then the tot/mom gymnastics, but mom is still there to help. Whenever the instructor would tell Avery what to do and then try to spot her Avery would say, "NO, I do it." Then if she needed help she would say, "NO, Mama help me." and I would spot her. Then one day at this same class I was on the other side of the room and Avery had picked up a toy the teacher wanted to put up. Instead of taking the toy from Avery she picked Avery up and carried her across the room to put the toy away. Avery FREAKED she was crying and I could see she was VERY upset, and it had nothing to do with the toy she was carrying. I was trying to tell the teacher that Avery was freaking out about her holding her not the toy, but I was across the room and she was not paying attention. After she put Avery down she ran to me and was in desperate need of recovery. I had to hold her for what seemed like forever for her to feel ok again.

So why did I not put the two together before? She assumed that if I was not going to be in there the teachers were going to grab at her willy nilly....

Yes, she will eventually need to be touched by the gym couches if she is going to learn to do any of the gymnastics, but they can at least ask first!

Public Urination

As for potty learning...Emerson was the last to learn and the easiest. She (and Avery) can hold it for what feels like EVER. Like crazy bladder control for 3 yr olds! Emerson has been reluctant to go to the bathroom in public lately. And when I say bathroom I mean pee not poop. She hasn't had an accident in forever. The only accidents she had were the ones when she first started learning...until last Friday.

While we were out I saw her holding her self. I asked her if she needed to pee and she said no. We were out all morning and I did not ask her to use the bathroom before we left (my bad). I needed to make a quick stop at the grocery. I opted to let them walk instead of the double cart, only needed a few things. Saw her holding herself repeatedly. She asked to ride in the cart and I obliged. As we were walking down the condiment isle Avery stopped dead in her tracks and got this strange look on her face. I asked her if she needed to use the restroom. "Yes, I gotta poop!" Off to the bathroom we went. I asked Emerson if she needed to pee (again!) she said no (again!). I left her in the cart right outside the restroom(asking the closest cashier to keep an eye on her. The bathrooms are right in front of the register area) and took Avery in. Got Avery settled on the potty and checked on Emerson. Avery finished and we washed up. When I got back to Emerson she asked to walk. As I lifted her out of the cart I saw condensation on the seat. Yep, she had an accident. I did not have a change of pants in my bag only panties so she had to finish our shopping trip with a wet bottom. Then when we got to the car I changed her into dry undies for the ride home.

That same night was parents night out at the YMCA. We dropped them off at 7pm and picked them up at 9. Guess who had a wet bottom when we picked them up. On the ride home I inquired about if the sitters at the Y asked them if they needed to use the potty. Both Avery and Emerson said they had been asked and Avery said, "I go pee."
Me, "Emerson, did they ask you if you needed to go pee?"
"Yeaherm." (her weird way of saying yes)
"Did you use the potty?"
"No."
"Did you pee in your pants?"
"Yeaherm."

I was really kind of freaking out. Not sure what to do. Finally I did a little search online and found some suggestions that might work.

I was going to visit EVERY POSSIBLE RESTROOM when we were out and about to breed familiarity. There was one thing I read and didn't even pay attention really, but then in the spur of the moment I tried yesterday cause I knew she had to go. I did not think that the reason she was not going was the massive opening of the toilet. I thought it was noise and unfamiliar surroundings.

We were at Borders, it's becoming our regular Tuesday stop after gymnastics, and I saw E holding herself. I asked her if she had to pee and she of course said, "no." I said, "well, I have to so come on everyone lets go to the potty!" We went into the bathroom and I went first. After pulling up my pants I sat back down on the toilet really far back with my legs spread, and said, "OK, who wants to sit with mommy to go pee pee?" Avery was like, HECK YEAH! so she went first and Emerson was giggling at this sight of us together on the toilet. Then Emerson said, "my turn, my turn!" So I pulled her pants down and sat her between my legs. She went (giggling the whole time) and I told her how proud I was of her. I think she would have tried it if she did not have her twin there for her to laugh at but it sure did help lighten the situation and make her less nervous.

Today when leaving the YMCA I saw Emerson holding herself. Asked her if she wanted to sit on my lap and use the potty, and she said, "Yeaherm!"

Then when we were home she asked if we could do it "again!" as she pointed to the toilet in her bathroom. I told her that we "only do that when we are out. That will be our special way to go pee pee in a public restroom. OK?" "Yeaherm!"

Family Time

We celebrated New Years eve a few times this year. First I took the girls to the zoo and celebrated at noon with their friend Graham and one of his mommies Katy.

This trip to the zoo was special, because for the first time the girls were old enough and tall enough to ride the banana ride. They loved it! I thought they might be scared cause I could not ride with them, but I was wrong. They had a great time. They're getting so big. Sniff, sniff.

At Noon the there was a count down with noise makers and cheering. Julie and I did this celebration 2 yrs ago with the girls look at the difference 2 years makes!

Avery two years ago:

Yes, she is in the bottom of Graham's stroller...

Then we rung in the New Year again at 8pm with the kids the LGs, Graham and Cameron. The all loved drinking their cider and playing with their noise makers. The next morning Avery came in the kitchen and asked me for more "cheers" she wanted more cider.

When the actual New Year rolled around we were all sound asleep. Such is life with kids. We like it like that though.

Graham and the girls have something very special in common. They share the same donor sperm. So in essence they are brother and sisters.

The way we found this out was kind of odd. I met Katy through a group she had started on meetup.com for gay and lesbian parents in the Tampa area. We got together for a few play dates. I liked her and she invited Julie, the girls and I to her house for a cook-out and swimming. We were all in the pool and chatting about random stuff. I said something about "donor 2610" and both Katy and Pam went pale. Katy said, "wait where did you get the donor for the girls?" I for some reason was thinking it was California. Katy said something to the fact that they used Fairfax. Suddenly it clicked, "NO, it was Fairfax that we used." Again it looked as if both Katy and Pam had been smacked with a brick. Katy, "and you just made up that number too right? Was it really 2610?" Me, "Yeah...why???" "That's who we used..." needless to say we all have a special bond now. We are family. We may not look like Ozzy and Harriet but who does?

"Avey does"

Today was an interesting day. First I took the girls to the chiropractor. Usually all three of us get an adjustment. Almost every time without fail Emerson jumps at the chance to go first for the adjustment. Today however, when Dr Alexa said, "who wants to go first?" Emerson quickly said, "Avey does." And amazingly, Avery did go first and did great.

Oh almost forgot about us actually leaving the house! As we are driving out the drive Avery yells, "Mama! You no put Leni in bathroom!" "That's ok Avery she is in her house during the day now and only stays in her bathroom at night." Then we get down the street a little ways and Avery grabs at her head and exclaims, "MA!! You no do my hair!" "That's ok Avery (as Im giggling) I have your hair in a knot so I dont have to do it today." She looks concerned. I say, "Dont worry, you look cute."

After Chiro I had to take them to the dentist.~JOY~
This was only their second exam ever, and I think I may have done a bad thing. I keep telling the girls when they ask, "why?" to the "we have to brush our teeth." if they do not brush they will get cavities and will have to have dental work done that hurts. So every time I said we were going to the dentist today they would both start cry/whining they didn't want to it was gonna hurt...uhg! So we get there and they refuse to go back by themselves so cleaning is off the agenda. Just a check-up for today. Dr comes into the room the girls are playing with the stuffed animals and pretending the doctor does not exist. He is really great with kids and tries to engage them, but their were not buying what he was wanting to sell. The pretending he does not exist continued.

Finally he says it's time to do the exams and who wants to sit on mommy's lap first. Emerson quick as a bunny says, "Avey does." and shockingly Avery goes first and does an amazing job. No crying, no whining, and complete cooperation. She is finished and it's time for the other one... The doc and I are working all angles to get her on my lap. Offering stickers, showing her the instruments, showing her the tooth brush she gets, Im telling her about how I plan to take them to lunch as soon as we are done...nothing. If she ignores us (her back is literally to us the whole time) we will go away or forget about her. Right? Finally out of desperation I say, "Emerson, if you do not do this willingly I am going to have to physically restrain you." She looks up and excitedly says, "I want you to physiky restain me!" I dont think she knows what this means, based on that response! So I finally just picked her up and put her on my lap. Finally we did get her done with very few tears and no blood shed.