Life Lessons

1. Potty Chairs should NOT EVER be put over your head.

This fact was learned a few wkends ago. I was sitting at the computer and I heard Julie say, "oh you have that stuck on your head." So I got up and started walking toward the bathroom. As I stood up I could see Emerson had the princess patty seat cover around her neck like a really big necklace. I walked up and tried a few times to get it off and was unsuccessful. I kind of started to panic a little and said I thought we may need to call the fire department. Emerson was completely calm and smiling the whole time, but Avery looked like she could loose it at any moment. So, Julie had us all go into the living room and sit down and try a few more times before we dialed 911. Wise choice Julie Brown! A few more tries and I was able to get it unstuck from her cranium.

2. Grab the camera EVEN if you think you may need to call 911!

I cant believe neither Julie nor I thought to grab the camera and get a picture of Emerson with the Princess Potty Seat stuck over her head!

3. Bars can be kid friendly!

I have a friend, she is also the girls swim teacher and mom of one of their friends Scout, she works at a bar as a bartender part time. She kept inviting us (kids included) to The Market on friday nights, saying it is "Kid Friendly". Another friend of mine went one friday night and reported back that they had a great time, Anna (the girls friend) included. So, I figured one friday night we could do that as our Family Fun Night. We've been twice now and the kids love it. They have live music, YUMMY pizza and the kids dance like crazy to the music.

I bet this is not the last time this photo will be taken... (no, they are not drinking anything stronger then juice)

This is Avery photo-bombing these people we do not know. Notice how they are looking at one camera and Avery is looking at ours!

The lead of the band and Emerson... Julie is concerned that this will be her future son-in-law...

4. When in doubt, wear walking shoes!

I got to go to my first NFL football game a few weeks ago. Julie's work owns like 4 seats and they give them out for rewards. We decided to take advantage of cheaper then stadium parking and park at a stripper club. One of many near the stadium. Well, the walk killed me. I was wear my usual shoes, one of my pairs of flip-flops. We got to see the Saints beat the tar out of the Bucs but it was still fun. There were some crazy people there though...one man gold leafed his whole body, a lady 2 rows above us kept drunkenly waving her boa and saying, "I can feel the breeeeeeze". Then there was the man who was wearing a flordelis on his junk...

When the girls say "Tampa Bay Bucs" it sounds like "Papa Day Ducks" cracks me up every time!

3. Dont take more kids to the bathroom then you can handle.

My limit apparently is two... Went to lunch with Christy, Randy, and Cameron at Brio a few weeks back. At the end of lunch all the kids said they had to "tee tee" so I volunteered to take them all. We get in there and I put Cam on the potty first. He is taking forever, and I notice Emerson is holding herself and hopping around, so I pull her jumper down and put her on another potty. I walk back to Cam and switch him for Avery (seems like everything is going great right?) After putting avery on the potty I turn to help Emerson off her potty and see that she has peed on her ENTIRE outfit. You see, commercial toilets are really big and little girls cant get very far back on them without falling in so the stream goes right over the bowl and hits the clothes around the ankles. She had on a jumper...neck to shorts, wet.

As I am looking through my bag I see Avery trying to open the exit door. She is buck-a$$ neked...why neked and not naked? Cause neked is being naked and upto no good! I tell her NOT to exit the bathroom and turn my attention back to Emerson who is now also naked and crying in ball on the bathroom stall floor. I tell her all I have is a t-shit and a new pair of underwear for her too wear. She cries more. I turn around to see Avery dancing NEKED in the middle of the bathroom. Cameron was just kind of sitting back and watching the show.

Emerson left the restaurant in panties and a t-shirt.

4. Smaller is sometimes better.

We took the kids to an organic pumpkin patch to pick out some pumpkins. We picked out 2 nice big ones to buy. On the way out the girls saw these "tiny little pumpkins" that they wanted. I told them we would buy some at publix cause they were too expensive and we dont need organic cause we wont actually eat the tiny ones. They talked about "tiny little pumpkins" non stop for like 4 days. Then Julie came home from the store with some TLP and you would have thought she brought them a pony!

"Furniture is not for ????"

If you say that to the girls they will enthusiastically say, "CLIMBING!!"

We learned this lesson the hard way, unfortunately...

The other day I caught them trying to climb onto their dresser. I told them that they needed to get down and that they should not climb on their furniture or they could fall and get hurt.

The very next day I put them down for their "rest" and they proceeded to play in their room. They do this every day for about an hour then they put themselves back to bed and take a 2 hour nap. If I hear one of them crying I go in to see what's happening, usually it is Avery and Emerson has a toy she wants or Emerson is laying on her because Emerson wants to "sleep in the hole" (the hole is the two to four inch space where the two toddler beds meet.) On this day I hear Avery crying and I head in there. When I open the door the first thing I see is Avery laying on the floor with one of the dresser drawers on her. The second thing I see is Emerson is sitting on the dresser. I start to scold them for climbing on the furniture while walking toward Avery to pluck the drawer off of her. I took two steps and said, " See, this is why we dont..." That's when Avery's head starts bleeding... A LOT! "OK, never mind. It will be ok, Avery." I tossed the drawer aside and scooped Avery up off the floor. At this point her head is a steady stream of blood. I ran her into the kitchen. This is when Emerson starts crying. I put Avery on the counter by the sink and put the kitchen sponge on her head... pretty sure this is not the most sanitary of wound care, but I was in a panic and this was the first absorbent thing I found.

Avery stops crying, the hole in her head stops bleeding, Avery started telling me, "It's ok, Mommy." You would think that this is where I would start to calm down, but I couldn't cause Emerson was STILL crying. She was scared so I was trying to get her to calm down so that I could get us all ready to go to the ER.

I ran into their room to get them some clothes, because these kids are ALWAYS naked when they are home. They had trashed their room so I just grabbed two outfits off the floor. Dressed them and threw them into the car. As I am trying to get the clothes on them Avery is now telling me, "it's ok, mommy. I just need some ice. Can I have some ice?" Oh, Emerson is still crying like she was stabbed. At one point I think I might have yelled at her, "You weren't the one that got hurt! The one that got hurt isn't crying. Please for the love of all that is holy stop crying!" then I felt bad... "I'm sorry, Emmy. Please stop crying I have to drive all of us to the ER. Your sister is fine. I promise." At this point I think I may have started crying...

They put a little glue on it and she is as good as new. The next time you see her say, "The furniture is NOT for what?" I will bet you ANYTHING she (and Emerson) will yell, "CLIMBING!"

Parental Guidence is Recommended

Avery has the biggest potty mouth and she isn't even trying! This morning she was singing Ring Around the Rosie. Here is how it came out...

"Ring around the hoesies, cocky full of cosie, asses asses..."

A few weeks ago she was asking for gawk and was yelling, "Gawk!" Julie told her she needed to say please so she started yelling:

"Gawk TEASE!"

Say it a few times and you will know what it sounds like. Any word that ends in "ock" like clock, block, sock comes out cock. Today Julie was singing a song from Imagination Movers about sun block. Avery started singing:

"Sun Cock, the days get hot..."

We will be working on pronunciation ASAP!